


Absent

by sarina



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Smut, Temporary Amnesia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-02
Updated: 2020-12-14
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:22:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 14,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27836755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarina/pseuds/sarina
Summary: "She has retrograde amnesia."Dr. Spencer Reid has dealt with many personal life obstacles and this could be the event that might finally break him. How is he supposed to keep himself together when the one person in his life who knows everything about him and more, loses every memory of not only herself, but him as well?Will he be able to keep himself together while also helping her put pieces of her life back into her memory?
Relationships: Spencer Reid/Reader, Spencer Reid/You
Comments: 30
Kudos: 114





	1. A Lack of Color

**Author's Note:**

> It should be noted that I am not a doctor and don't know every single detail about retrograde amnesia, but I have done a lot of research and have tried my best to keep it as believable and realistic as possible!
> 
> Thank you so much for reading and I hope that you enjoy! :)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This story is in a back and forth format. Meaning, one chapter will be present day and the next chapter will be a memory between Reid and the Reader. I have done that so the story doesn't get too dull or too fluffy - it gives it a good balance. I hope that doesn't make it difficult to understand, but if you have any questions, please feel free to ask! :)

White. White lights and faint beeping filled the atmosphere as her eyes slowly opened. The room was clearly a hospital room - there was medical equipment spread out on a counter on a far side of the room and the bed was not very comfortable.

When she turned her head there was a dull ache at the back of it. She closed her eyes and attempted to rub them with both hands before realizing there was an IV attached to one of her arms.

“Reid, she’s waking up,” a male voice said, which caused her to furrow her eyebrows. It was until that moment she had thought she was alone in the room.

The blurriness overtaking her vision began to subside and she was able to make out two figures in the room - one, who was now leaving, and the second was sitting beside her in a chair that looked even more uncomfortable than the bed she was laying on.

“Hey, sweetheart,” the man beside her said, leaning forward and reaching for her hand.

He had short, brunette hair that was tousled to the side of his face and dark eyes with bags underneath them - like he’d been awake for much longer than his body wanted him to be. The button up shirt he wore was wrinkled and the tie around his neck had been loosened. His hands were cold and clammy as they wrapped around hers, sending a quick shiver up her spine.

She didn’t say anything, but furrowed her eyebrows at him. A knowing look slowly spread across his face and a sadness began to set in his eyes. He pulled his hand away from hers and leaned back into his chair.

“Y/N. It’s lovely to see you waking up,” a doctor said, entering the room with a file in his hand. He set it down on the counter behind him while wheeling a stool to the side of her bed.

She gave him a weak smile.

“How is your head feeling?” he asked, pushing his glasses up further on the bridge of his nose.

“Hurts. Mostly at the back,” she replied.

He nodded and grabbed a small flashlight from his coat pocket, clicking it on and off a few times before looking at her again.

“I’m going to check your eyes for a moment. Are you able to sit up?” he asked.

“Yeah,” she said quietly, pushing herself up.

She breathed as evenly as possible as the bright light of the flashlight scanned from one eye to the next, back and forth until it was as if all she could see were white circles clouding her vision.

“Okay,” the doctor began, clicking the flashlight off and dropping it back into his pocket. “From what I’ve seen there aren’t any  _ major _ issues. You were brought in with a pretty bad concussion and the bruising on your chest seems to have been healing nicely…”

Before she could ask what he was talking about, the man on the other side of her spoke up.

“She has retrograde amnesia,” he said.

Both Y/N and the doctor turned to him to see that he was using one hand to cover his eyes while his thumb and finger rubbed his temples.

“We haven’t run an MRI or neurological exam yet so yes, that is a possible option--”

“I’m not saying it’s a possible option, I’m saying it’s already happened,” he cut the doctor off, removing his hand from his face.

Y/N turned back to face the doctor, who looked as if someone had cut his tongue out of his mouth.

“We’re going to run an MRI in a few minutes and we’ll have an  _ actual _ answer within the hour,” he finally said, giving a quick look to the man on the other side of the bed before leaving the room.

“They always get mad when you do that stuff, Reid,” the other figure in the room said, a quiet chuckle leaving his lips.

“Maybe if they did their jobs correctly, they wouldn’t have to worry about being corrected,” the man whose name Y/N assumed was ‘Reid’ replied with a shrug, looking at his phone screen.

⬜⬜⬜

“Retrograde amnesia can occur after a traumatic event - which is what we believe happened with Y/N. She doesn’t seem to remember any memories from before her… accident, but she’s been able to retain all of the information we’ve been telling her so far,” the doctor from earlier said.

He sat at his desk in front of Spencer with his hands folded on top of it as he spoke. All of his words were being drowned out by the high-pitched ringing in his ears. The fact that Y/N had retrograde amnesia was all he needed to know. While she was getting her MRI he’d already researched every detail of retrograde amnesia, the best ways to deal with it and how to help her remember events from her past.

“Mr. Reid?” the doctor asked, breaking Spencer from his trance.

“I’m sorry?” he said, blinking a few times to focus his vision.

“I asked if you understood what is going to be helpful and harmful to Y/N during this time,” he explained.

“Yes I do,” Spencer replied almost immediately. He was sure there was nothing this doctor could tell him that he didn’t already know about Y/N’s condition.

“Good,” the doctor said with a nod, arranging a few papers on his desk. “Do you have any questions for me?”

“When can I take her home?” Spencer asked, tapping his fingers against the wooden arms of his chair impatiently.

“We just need you to fill out some discharge paperwork that says she’ll be in your care and for her to sign that she understands you’re going to be the person taking care of her. After that you’re free to go.”

“Where’s the paperwork?”


	2. Smiles and Introductions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This story is in a back and forth format. Meaning, one chapter will be present day and the next chapter will be a memory between Reid and the Reader. I have done that so the story doesn't get too dull or too fluffy - it gives it a good balance. I hope that doesn't make it difficult to understand, but if you have any questions, please feel free to ask! :)

“We’re going to have a detective from Miami visiting us who is in the process of transferring into the Bureau,” Hotch began the briefing, looking down at a few notes he’d prepared. “Her name is Y/N Y/L/N, she’s in the violent crimes and homicide unit with the Miami Police Department and she just recently passed all of our entrance exams for the Bureau. She’s going to be observing for the first few weeks before joining any assignments.”

“Very excited to meet our new angel baby,” Garcia said, “I’ll make sure she feels right at home.”

“Thank you, Garcia. I want you to give her a tour around the building and explain your role with the team,” Hotch added.

“You got it, Baby Spice.”

“Reid,” Hotch continued, grasping his attention. “Because the two of you are the same age, I want you to spend a little more time with her and make her feel comfortable. Explain how our assignments work and explain your role with the team as well.”

“Okay,” he nodded.

“Sounds like we’re being taken over by these young ones,” Morgan said, making the team chuckle.

“Now we’ve got two quarter life babies in our midst,” Garcia added, pushing her glasses further up her nose.

“Detective Y/L/N is actually 24 years old,” Hotch remarked, flipping to the next paper with briefing notes.

“Wow, so just about the same age you were when you started with us, Reid,” Prentiss said, giving him a smirk.

“That is correct,” Reid said with a nod. “If you guys aren’t careful our plan to overthrow the Bureau is going to be set into motion.”

Rossi chuckled and shook his head, “We’ll keep our eyes peeled.”

  
  


“Welcome to our humble abode, Detective slash future Special Agent Y/L/N,” Garcia gave her grand introduction, extending her arms outward in a showcasing manner.

Y/N chuckled and returned the hug Garcia pulled her into, “Thank you, for that. It was a warmer welcome than I anticipated.”

“What did you expect? Cold shoulders and snide remarks?” Prentiss asked, extending a hand for Y/N to shake.

“Amongst other things,” she joked as she took her hand back.

Introductions were brief given the fact that a majority of the team was on their way to an assignment across the country, but Y/N felt welcomed in the best way possible. It was easy to see that she would get along with each person on the team just fine.

“So, my lovely little gumdrop, I have been tasked with giving you a tour of the facilities. Feel free to set your things down at Spencer’s desk since you’ll be talking to him next,” Garcia explained, motioning towards Reid with an arm.

Y/N looked at Reid with questioning eyes, making sure it was, in fact, okay for her to leave her things at his desk. He gave her a knowing smile and nodded, taking her duffel bag from her hand and setting it underneath his desk.

“And this is the briefing room for the most attractive all-male team in the entire building,” Garcia said, tapping on the door to the empty briefing room. “Trust me, when you see them you’re going to want to fan yourself like a lady in the 1940s from the amount of sexual attraction you get from these men.”

Y/N laughed as Garcia fanned herself with her hand dramatically. “What time do they meet in here?”

“I like you,” Garcia said as they continued walking down the hallway. “I think you’re going to fit in here perfectly.”

“Thank you,” Y/N replied genuinely. “I was really worried about that.”

“Why’s that?”

“I think because I’m so much younger than everybody. I didn’t want anybody to look down on me or think I don’t know what I’m doing,” she explained.

“Oh, you don’t have to worry about that,” Garcia replied. “Our adorable, baby boy Spencer is only a year older than you and he joined us last year. We know how smart you youngins can be.”

Y/N chuckled, “Yeah, he’s a cutie.”

“Pause,” Garcia said, stopping in her tracks and holding onto the top of Y/N’s arm to keep her from walking any further. “You think Spencer is cute?”

“I’m so sorry, is he your boyfriend?”

A quick chortle escaped Garcia’s mouth before she regained her composure. “No, no. I love little Spencer, but like a brother. He deserves someone as adorable as he is and I have no complaints about you so far. So if that’s something you’d like me to talk up I definitely can shimmy you into every conversation we have.”

“I don’t really know him yet. Can I raincheck this part of our conversation and let you know after I spend a little more time with him?” Y/N asked, following Garcia down the hallway when she began walking again.

“Of course. Just know that he is a  _ little  _ bit of a shy boy, but once he opens up he’s literally one of the most amazing people you’ll ever meet.”

“Well I can’t wait to get to know him.”

“Did Penelope explain her role in the team in an easy way to understand?” Reid asked, leaning against his desk while Y/N took his desk chair.

“She did,” she said with a nod. “I got to see her office space and see how she finds information of each of your unsubs.”

“Are you feeling overwhelmed yet?” he gave her a small smirk.

“Extremely. I think I need to go home and get a solid eight hours before I can even think about talking to you,” she teased, giving him a smirk of her own.

“You’ll most likely need that  _ after  _ talking to me,” he said, a slight hint of embarrassment in his tone.

She furrowed her eyebrows at him, but before she could ask any questions he began to brief her on his position with the Bureau.

“That means you remember  _ everything _ , right?” Y/N confirmed. She’d been sitting on the edge of her seat since Reid explained his role with the team.

“Yeah,” he smiled, a small chuckled leaving his lips.

“That’s so cool. You’re like a superhero,” she said, making him laugh quietly.

“You’re too kind. It’s not as cool as you’d think, but I do appreciate that.”

Minutes passed quickly, which had soon turned into two and a half hours that Reid and Y/N had spent talking and getting to know each other. It felt natural, comfortable. It was something that had come so naturally to Reid that it both surprised and worried him. Why was he so willingly opening up to this person so quickly? Why did she feel like someone he’d known for three years rather than three hours?

“I wish I didn’t have to leave, but I do need to finish some unpacking and get a few things in order before coming in tomorrow,” Y/N said, standing from Reid’s desk chair and pulling her duffel bag from underneath his desk.

“Of course,” he said. “Hopefully I was helpful with everything and if you have any questions about anything I’m happy to answer them.”

Y/N smiled and nodded, “Thank you, I’ll definitely take you up on that.”

“Good, good,” he nodded, an awkward aura suddenly filling his presence. “Um, have a good evening. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“See you tomorrow,” she smiled. “Good night.”

After situating herself in the driver’s seat of her car, she pulled her cell phone from her pocket and searched through her contacts for Garcia, giggling when she realized the name saved in her phone was ‘Penny G’.

**So is it still possible for you to shimmy me into a few conversations?**

**A few? Girl, you’re getting shimmied into ALL of the conversations. I’m so excited for this. I love this. I have a good feeling about you. Good night you beautiful little rose blossom.**


	3. The Price We Pay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This story is in a back and forth format. Meaning, one chapter will be present day and the next chapter will be a memory between Reid and the Reader. I have done that so the story doesn't get too dull or too fluffy - it gives it a good balance. I hope that doesn't make it difficult to understand, but if you have any questions, please feel free to ask! :)

Walking back inside of their apartment felt emptier than it did when Y/N had gone to visit her family for a week and Reid wasn’t able to get the time off work. But she was with him this time and that caused the lonely feeling eating away at him to worsen.

He noticed her looking at herself in a mirror that was hung up near the front door of their apartment as he was setting their bags down on the ground. She seemed certain of her reflection.

“Are you okay?” he asked, breaking her from her gaze.

She smiled politely and nodded, “Yeah.”

There were quite a few pictures of them hung up on the walls around the apartment. Y/N had already had a few framed pictures of the two of them in her apartment before they had moved in together, but after they began living together and spent nearly every minute together, more and more pictures began to accrue on their walls over time. At the beginning of their relationship it was something Reid, admittedly, hadn’t given much thought to, but he would catch himself staring at a picture for five minutes with a goofy grin on his face when he would think of the memories they shared.

“Are we married?” Y/N asked, breaking Reid from his train of thought.

She was looking at the silver band around her ring finger on her left hand. The small diamond that rested on top of it glittered when the light hit it.

Reid’s hesitation to answer her question was not lost on her, but she didn’t push for an answer either.

“No,” he finally said.

Y/N nodded and followed Reid around their apartment, hoping that something would stand out or look familiar.

“This is our bedroom,” Reid said as they entered the final room of the apartment.

There was a king-sized bed against the far side of the room with a large window on an adjacent wall. Two nightstands stood at either end of the bed with miscellaneous items scattered atop both of them. Y/N furrowed her eyebrows and walked towards one nightstand, picking up another framed picture of the two of them.

Reid was down on one knee, a wide smile on his face while Y/N stood before him. Her hands were covering the bottom half of her face and her body language clearly showed that she was happy.

“I thought you said we weren’t married,” she said quizzically, turning to where Reid was standing near the closet as he put their bags inside of it.

He furrowed his eyebrows at her sudden statement and walked to where she stood. A smile spread across his face the same time his heart dropped when he saw the picture she’d been looking at.

“We aren’t married,” he reiterated. “We’re engaged.”

Her eyebrows rose and she turned her attention to the picture again. There was a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth that she wasn’t able to hide. The picture brought such undeniable joy to her.

“We look so happy,” she said, setting the picture down carefully in its rightful place.

Reid nodded slowly, his smile matching hers though the sadness was more evident in his. “It’s the best day of my life so far,” he said. “No matter how many times you say you love me, it’s still hard for me to believe.”

“Why?” her eyebrows furrowed as she looked up at him and waited for her answer.

“You’re so beautiful and kind and loving… I just never thought I deserved you,” he explained.

Y/N took a moment to let his words sink in before speaking up.

“I can see why I fell in love with you,” she finally said. “You’ve been so patient and helpful with me… and you’re really attractive too.”

Reid chuckled and shook his head, “Are you hungry?” he asked. “I can make us some dinner.”

“Yeah, that would be nice. Thank you,” she smiled.

After walking to the bedroom door, Reid turned and watched his fiancée look around their bedroom aimlessly. It shattered his heart to see her in such confusion about not just him, but everything.

“Are you coming?”

She nodded and sat down on the bed tentatively, “In a minute. I just wanted to look at some more pictures.”

He nodded, “If you have any questions about anything, you can ask me.”

“Thank you,” she smiled, watching him leave the room.

A heavy sigh pushed through her lungs and she picked the photo up from the night stand again. _How_ could she not remember something so important in her life? She didn’t know how long she’d stared at the picture - long enough to allow herself to feel so helpless that tears began to fall from the corners of her eyes.

Dinner was quiet at first. Y/N was nervous about saying anything that would upset Reid and he didn’t want to push her to try and remember anything if she wasn’t ready. The doctor _did_ say that her form of retrograde amnesia was extremely mild as there was no swelling or bleeding from her brain - she was essentially suffering from a very critical concussion and losing some memories were a side effect that would hopefully recover itself.

“How did we meet?” Y/N asked after swallowing a bite of food.

“We met at work,” Reid answered, a smile involuntarily gracing his lips. “I remember the first day I met you we spent hours talking and getting to know each other. That’s something I don’t do with people, ever. You were just so inviting and I felt comfortable talking with you about any subject that came up, even if you didn’t understand what I was talking about.”

Y/N smiled at his recalling of events - their relationship sounded beautiful.

“Where do we work?” she asked, moving a piece of broccoli on her plate with the prongs of her fork.

There was clear hesitation on Reid’s face before he answered, “We both work for the FBI.”

She nodded and took another bite of her food, letting silence fill the small dining area as they cleared their plates.

“These are your antibiotics. You need to take one of these before going to bed,” Reid said, holding up one of the two pill bottles in his hand. “And this one is a pain killer. If you have any headaches or anything hurts, take this, but don’t take more than four in twenty-four hours.”

Y/N nodded and took the pill bottles from his hands, setting them on the nightstand beside her. She watched with furrowed eyebrows as Reid walked to the other side of the bed - the one with their framed proposal picture - and grabbed a pillow.

“Where are you going?” she asked.

“I’m going to sleep on the couch,” he answered as he took a blanket from their closet.

“Why?” she asked, causing him to turn to her with a questioning look on his face.

“Is that not something you want me to do?” he asked.

She shrugged and looked at their bed before meeting his gaze again, “I don’t know,” she said. “We’re engaged so I thought we should sleep in the same bed since we probably did before.”

Reid let out a quiet sigh - they’d slept in that bed together and done _much_ more than just sleep only seventy-two hours earlier.

“Typically we do sleep in bed together,” he agreed. “But I don’t think it’s a good idea. You don’t really know me right now,” he had to clear his throat before continuing. “And I don’t want you to be uncomfortable sleeping next to somebody you don’t know in a bed you don’t know.”

She nodded at his reply and glanced back down at the translucent, orange pill bottles on the nightstand before turning back to him.

“I guess, good night, then,” she said, giving him a small smile.

He returned her smile, but it didn’t meet his eyes.

“Good night. I lo-” Reid cut himself off and cleared his throat in an attempt to cover up what he’d almost said. “I’ll be right out there on the couch if you need anything so please come get me if you do, okay?”

She nodded and gave a small wave before he left their bedroom. She could hear him walk into the living room through their open bedroom door and set up a makeshift bed on the couch. A sigh she hadn’t realized she’d been holding in pushed through her nostrils and she pulled herself up slightly to sit on their bed.

The sound of pill capsules moving in their bottle filled the nearly silent room - the only other sound was of city traffic bustling through the late hours. Y/N let her mind wander. Everyone driving knew where they were going and knew who they were going home to. They had a life they remembered and she had never been more envious of people she didn’t know. After opening the pill bottle and dropping a capsule into her palm, she grabbed the glass of water Reid had left for her and swallowed the pill - halfway hoping she didn’t wake up the next morning.


	4. Dive In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This story is in a back and forth format. Meaning, one chapter will be present day and the next chapter will be a memory between Reid and the Reader. I have done that so the story doesn't get too dull or too fluffy - it gives it a good balance. I hope that doesn't make it difficult to understand, but if you have any questions, please feel free to ask! :)

“I understand your worry, but I promise you that she’s going to say yes,” Garcia said, the coffee cup in her hands keeping her fingers warm after coming inside from the frigid temperatures.

“You can’t promise something like that,” Reid said, his hands fidgeting in front of him as he played with his fingers.

“Oh, but I can,” she replied, wagging her eyebrows up and down. “Y/N and I have had many, _many_ wine nights talking about this exact scenario. She loves how _sweet_ and _handsome_ and _smart_ you are,” she added, making sure to enunciate each complimentary word in order to prove her friend’s affection towards him.

“Are we talking about Reid asking out Y/L/N?” Morgan asked from behind them as he entered the break room.

“Hey, Sugar,” Garcia said with a smile, giving him a one-armed hug when he stood beside her.

“Hey, Baby Girl,” he replied with his own smile before looking back to Reid. “Are you really going to do it today?”

“I don’t know. Maybe. Probably not,” he said.

“No! Stop talking yourself down,” Garcia interjected. “I have asked her what she would say if you asked her out and she _immediately_ said, ‘I would say yes in a heartbeat’,” she said.

Reid would be lying if he said that didn’t calm his nerves a _little_ bit, but the worry was still settled deep in his stomach. Before he could say anything else, the sound of the door opening and Y/N walking through made them all turn in her direction.

Morgan glanced between Reid and Y/N, smiling at the way his friend’s face lit up when he saw her.

“You know,” Y/N said through her chattering teeth as she walked further into the room. “The constant heat in Miami never prepared me for how fucking freezing it can get here.”

“Aw, come here, girly,” Garcia said, bringing Y/N in for a hug and rubbing the top of her arm to create some warmth for her.

“You don’t really look like you’re dressed for the winters here,” Morgan noted, motioning towards the single layered clothing that she was wearing.

“I know,” she admitted, looking down at the long sleeved shirt, tactical pants and boots she was wearing. “I haven’t had time to go shopping yet with how busy everything’s been here. Besides, I don’t think I’d know where to go even if I did have the time.”

“Say no more!” Garcia exclaimed. “We are going shopping! Let me know what days you’re free and we will make a whole day of it.”

“That sounds perfect; I’d love that,” Y/N smiled. “The worst part is that I _just_ shaved my legs last night and my hair already started growing back.”

“Ooh darling, been there. It’s basically a lost cause to shave in the winters here,” Garcia said.

“You know, the reason your hair grows back so quickly in the cold is because your body is regenerating everything faster in order to produce heat,” Reid spoke up for the first time since Y/N entered the room. He cursed himself that _that_ was the first thing he said rather than ‘Hello’ or ‘How was your night?’.

Y/N smiled at him and nodded, “That makes sense,” she said. “I love spending time with you, I always learn new things,” she added, tapping his shoulder with her index finger before leaving the room to set her things down at her desk.

Once she was out of earshot, Morgan spoke up.

“If you don’t ask her out, I’m going to do it for you,” he said.

“She’s clearly interested in you,” Garcia said.

“Yeah. She didn’t tap _my_ shoulder like that,” Morgan added, mockingly tapping Reid’s shoulder in the way Y/N had.

The pink blush spreading over his cheeks and neck made his skin warm and he shook his head to regain his composure. “It’s just something she does with me.”

“Oh. So you guys have cute little _things_ you do now?” Garcia added with a smirk.

“You two are a lethal team,” Reid said, pointing between the two.

It was midday and most agents were going over case files or putting together a timeline for an unsub they were in the process of finding. Reid’s phone ringing at his desk caused him to furrow his eyebrows, but a smile spread across his face when he saw the extension number.

“Agent Reid,” he answered the phone.

“Ooh, _Agent Reid_. Someone’s being extra professional today,” Y/N teased, making him chuckle.

“Only for you,” he said, surprising himself with his word choice so much he sat up straighter and cleared his throat.

“Well I’m flattered,” she said, a smile evident in her tone. “I do have a question, though.”

“Shoot.”

“If there was a particular agent, not naming any names, who had trouble with a timeline. Would it be okay if she, or he, asked for the help of the one and only Special Agent Spencer Reid?”

Reid chuckled and glanced up from his work to the other end of the room where Y/N’s desk was. His smile widened when he saw she was already looking at him with a somewhat guilty expression on her face.

“Are you asking me to walk a whole thirty feet over to your desk and employ some wisdom?” he asked, giving her a smirk.

“God, only if you’re feeling up to it,” she mimicked his smirk, giving him a wink from across the room.

A shiver ran down his spine and he chuckled, looking back down at the papers in front of him, “I’ll be right there.”

The timeline Y/N was working on was tricky and it pleasantly surprised Reid that she had gotten as far into it as she had with how new she was to the team.

“His boss said that he left around four in the morning because he wasn’t feeling well and I got CCTV footage from a gas station close to his apartment that shows him buying a gasoline tank and filling it up at the pump, but when he leaves it looks like he goes west and I cross-referenced all businesses to the west of the gas station and I don’t see his vehicle drive by at all. I even checked east and northbound businesses, but nothing. The only other place he would have gone would be south, but there’s only open desert and I can’t think of any other way to verify he cut through the desert,” Y/N explained her position with her timeline, flipping through miscellaneous pages on her desk while the CCTV footage played on her computer monitor.

“First of all,” Reid began, placing a hand on the top of her chair and the other on her desk to get a better look at the papers and computer monitor. “This is really impressive.”

Y/N shrugged and shook her head to herself.

“Really, it is,” he said, turning to face her. He hadn’t realized how close they were until he did.

They looked at each other momentarily before Reid looked back down at her desk and shuffled through some papers.

“Second, I think the best thing to do would be to see if there are any houses that have cameras facing south into the desert to see if you’re able to spot his truck. And if not, we can set up a search team to see if they find anything in the desert about ten miles south of the gas station,” he proposed, not realizing he’d organized all the papers on her desk until he finished speaking.

She smiled and nodded, “Thank you, Spencer.”

“You’re the one who did most of the work here, not me,” he said.

“I was referring to you organizing my paperwork both alphabetically and numerically, but yes, thank you for that too,” she teased, placing a hand on top of his.

“Your hand is freezing. Are you still cold?” he asked.

“Oh I’m frigid,” she said, moving her hand from his. “I’m surprised my fingers haven’t fallen off at this point.”

“I have a spare jacket in my locker if you want to use it. It’ll probably be big on you so the sleeves will cover your hands and give them some warmth,” he offered.

“You don’t have to do that,” she said, “I was just planning on going to the restroom and using the air dryer to warm myself every once in a while.”

“I insist,” he said, standing up straight. “Besides, everyone’s going to think you have some serious digestive issues if you start doing that.”

She giggled and nodded, “Fair point.”

“I’ll be right back,” he smiled, turning and walking towards the locker room.

The smirks he received from the rest of the team were not lost on him and he did his best to avoid eye contact with them before turning down the hallway.

“One jacket for the freezing lady,” Reid said from behind Y/N, making her giggle before turning to face him.

“You are the best,” she said, standing when he held the jacket open for her to slide her arms inside. “Ooh, this is so warm and it even smells like you. I love it so much,” she said, immediately turning red in the face after realizing that wasn’t something she’d said in her head.

Reid chuckled when he noticed her embarrassment, “That’s actually a jacket from my college chess team. I was only in it for a month, but they still had this made for me,” he said, motioning to his last name sewn on the right chest area of the fabric.

“You were right about it being big on me,” she said after zipping the jacket up. She lifted her arms to show the good one-to-two inches of fabric that extended past her fingertips. “I'm going to guess you were always a giant?”

Reid chuckled and they shared a few moments of eye contact before he could feel himself becoming nervous. He could feel the stares of their teammates on his back.

“Um,” he said, getting Y/N’s attention again. She leaned against her desk and waited for him to continue.

“I was wondering if maybe you wanted to get dinner Saturday night? We could go to a museum or gallery in the afternoon and then get dinner or something if you’d like?” he asked. His palms were clammy and he could feel his heartbeat elevate with each word he said.

“I would love that,” Y/N said almost immediately, a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.

“Really?” he asked, surprised with her quick response.

“Absolutely. What time did you want to go out?” she asked, bouncing up on her toes with excitement. Reid smiled when he realized she was involuntarily doing that.

“I can pick you up around two and we can decide what we want to do from there?” he suggested.

“That sounds perfect,” she smiled.

Reid nodded and returned her smile, “It sounds perfect to me too.”

There was a quick silence between them before he spoke up again.

“I guess I should probably get back to work. But I’m just a phone call away if you need anything,” he gave her a smirk.

“Don’t let me abuse that privilege,” she mirrored his smirk.

He chuckled and gave her one more look before turning back to his desk. He really loved the way she looked in his jacket.


	5. Tragedy + Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This story is in a back and forth format. Meaning, one chapter will be present day and the next chapter will be a memory between Reid and the Reader. I have done that so the story doesn't get too dull or too fluffy - it gives it a good balance. I hope that doesn't make it difficult to understand, but if you have any questions, please feel free to ask! :)

It was much brighter in the early hours of the morning in their living room than it was in their bedroom. Reid stretched his arms over his head and felt the comforting pull of his muscles. He glanced at the couch placed diagonally from the one he’d slept on and couldn’t help the small smile that spread across his face when he saw Y/N fast asleep on it. She was covered with her favorite blanket, curled into a ball underneath it. It was as if nothing had changed when nearly everything had.

With a quiet sigh, he stood up from the couch and walked towards the kitchen to begin making some breakfast. He knew that Y/N was hungry and even though he didn’t feel like it, he knew he should eat something too.

It was no more than a half hour later when a presence in the kitchen surprised him. He smiled when he glanced over to Y/N and added some more pepper onto their scrambled eggs.

“All of this smells amazing,” she said with a groggy voice, this clearly being the first thing she said after waking up.

Reid smiled and motioned her over, “You can come see what we’re having if you want,” he said, hoping that it might trigger some memories of them together.

“This feels familiar,” she said after a couple seconds of standing next to him and watching him cook.

“Really?”

“Yeah. The way this feels. It’s just… comfortable and familiar,” she explained.

Reid smiled, “Whenever we have time in the morning we always make breakfast together.”

Y/N looks up at him and smiles, “That’s really nice,” she said, watching as he moved their food onto plates beside him on the counter.

“It is,” he agreed, handing her a plate.

A knock on the door caused Y/N to look up from the photo album she was studying while Reid cleaned up their breakfast dishes.

“Don’t answer that, I’ll get it,” he said from the kitchen, hurrying towards the front door. After looking through the peephole on the door, he unlocked and opened it.

“I thought I’d stop by and say hello. How’s everything going?” Morgan asked.

Reid stepped aside and motioned for Morgan to enter his and Y/N’s apartment. She looked up from the album again and smiled politely.

“Hello,” she said as if she were introducing herself.

“Hello Y/N. I’m Derek Morgan. Has Spencer told you about me at all?” he asked, taking a seat on the couch opposite her.

She furrowed her eyebrows, “We all work together, right?” she asked, looking up at Reid when he sat down on the couch beside her.

“Yes, we do,” he confirmed, glancing at the photo album she was looking at. It was his childhood album his mother made for him before he had gotten her institutionalized.

“How have you been feeling these past couple days?” Morgan asked, looking between the couple.

“Okay,” Y/N said. “Some things are a little familiar. Like Spencer made breakfast this morning and I told him it felt familiar and he said that it was because we always make breakfast together in the mornings when we have time,” she explained.

Morgan smiled at the domestication of his friends, “Well that is very sweet.”

“I thought so too,” she agreed, turning to smile at Reid, who gave a weak smile in return. “I just hope I’m doing better.”

“I’m sure you’re moving along great. When’s your next doctor’s appointment?” Morgan asked.

Y/N furrowed her eyebrows and looked up at Reid.

“Tomorrow morning,” he answered for her, running a hand through his hair.

Morgan furrowed his eyebrows at Reid, seeing that his friend was beginning to feel agitated. He looked back to Y/N.

“Do you mind if Spencer and I talk privately for a minute?” Morgan asked.

“Oh yeah, of course,” she said, standing up from the couch with the photo album still in hand.

Once the sound of her bare feet padding along the vinyl flooring disappeared after she reached the carpeted floor of the bedroom, Morgan focused on Reid.

“How are  _ you  _ feeling?” he asked.

“Like shit,” Reid responded immediately. “Derek, she doesn’t know anything about me and we have a life planned together. Or, had, a life planned together? I don’t know what to call it anymore.”

“She’s going to remember, Spencer. The doctor said it’s not really full-blown amnesia, just a really bad concussion with the side effect of temporary memory loss,” Morgan reminded him.

“It’s really easy to be optimistic when it’s not happening to you. I hope it never does happen to you, man, but if Savannah was going through something like this you wouldn’t be so positive.”

“No, probably not. That’s why I want to make sure that you’re getting some kind of positivity through all of this because I don’t want you doing something stupid.”

Reid was quiet then, knowing exactly what his friend was talking about. It was as if Morgan could see into Reid’s mind and know that relapsing was his main concern aside from helping Y/N remember her life.

“It’s really fucking difficult, Derek,” Reid said, resting his elbows on his knees and running his fingers through his hair. “I just want to be able to go back to how our lives were before.”

“They’re going to get back to normal, it’s just going to take a little bit of time.”

“How much time? I can’t just sit around this apartment looking at the woman I love trying to remember our life together,” Reid stood up from the couch. “How can she not remember me? She is one of the most important people in my life and she can just forget about me?”

Morgan stood up from the couch he was sitting on and took a couple steps towards Reid to meet his view.

“Spencer, I know you don’t feel this way, but you’re making it sound like this is  _ her  _ fault. We were on an assignment, she got shot in the chest and when she got knocked down she hit the back of her head on the asphalt,  _ hard _ . So hard that I heard it.”

Reid shook his head at Morgan’s retelling of events. He hated himself for not being more convincing when asking Hotch if he could join the team on that assignment.

“Do you know how fucking hard it was to be across the country and hear over Garcia’s phone the sounds of everybody screaming that she’d been hit? I didn’t know if it was in the head or the vest and nobody was saying  _ anything _ .”

_ The twilight hours caused a hazy glow to spread over the abandoned shipyard as Y/N and the rest of the team cleared the area. With their guns drawn and backs to any solid space, they walked carefully around huge cargo shipments, being sure to not step on anything that would create noise. _

_ “Clear on the west side,” Prentiss said in a hushed voice over her radio. _

_ At the BAU, Reid and Garcia were listening in to the team’s radio traffic through her desk phone. He wasn’t sure exactly  _ how  _ she was able to pull that off, but he knew if he asked she would deflect the question. _

_ “How’s the wedding planning going?” Garcia asked as she looked up more information on their suspect. _

_ “Good. Neither of us are very… flashy, so it’s been pretty easy to work out,” he explained. _

_ Garcia turned to him with a smile on her face, “I love this for you. For both of you.” _

_ “Thanks,” he smiled, blush creeping onto his cheeks. _

_ “Seriously. You’re such a wonderful guy, Spencer, and I can see how happy Y/N’s made you. You deserve this,” she said. _

_ “I see movement on the far south side,” Y/N said in a hushed voice over her radio, motioning in the direction she was referring to so Morgan could see. _

_ He nodded and both began to point their guns in the direction, walking quicker towards the silhouette. _

_ It was as if time had slowed down when the gunshots began ringing out. The immense pressure to Y/N’s chest after the first bullet shot into her vest was enough to knock the wind out of her. After the crushing blow to the back of her head against the asphalt, the black spots in her vision began expanding until it enveloped her completely. _

_ “Y/L/N’s down!” Morgan shouted over his radio. “On the far south side of the shipyard we need a medic  _ now _!” _

_ Reid could feel his heart drop into his stomach as his eyes remained glued onto Garcia’s desk phone. His mind was moving even faster than usual as he gripped the sides of the chair he was sitting on. _

_ “We’ve got three males running eastbound towards the town!” Prentiss shouted over her radio. _

_ “Morgan, can you take Y/L/N to the entrance of the shipyard so the medics can take her?” Hotch asked. _

_ “She hit her head really hard, Hotch. I don’t want to make anything worse.” _

_ “The medics aren’t able to come in until we apprehend the suspects and clear out the entire shipyard,” Hotch said. _

_ “Spencer, I don’t think you should be listening to this,” Garcia said, turning to him. _

_ “I need to. I’ll be fine,” he said in a monotone voice, his gaze not breaking from her phone. _

“Do you know how fucking badly I wish I was there to blow that guy’s brains out?” Reid asked.

“Spencer, try to even out your breathing,” Morgan said.

“I know, Derek, I know I’m starting to get riled up. Can you blame me? That piece of human scum shot my fiancée and is sitting in  _ jail _ . Jail? Seriously?”

“It’s going to be federal prison, he’s just in a holding cell right now,” Morgan reminded him.

Reid let out a loud sigh and turned to the wall, slamming the bottom of his fist against it. A loud echo sounded through the apartment. “Why the  _ fuck _ did all of this have to happen?” he shouted, slamming his fist against the wall again when he’d said the obscenity.

“Spencer,” Morgan’s tone was quieter now and when Reid turned to him, he knew why.

Y/N stood at the end of the hallway with her arms wrapped around her body and tears threatening to spill from the corners of her eyes.


	6. Soul Meets Body

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This story is in a back and forth format. Meaning, one chapter will be present day and the next chapter will be a memory between Reid and the Reader. I have done that so the story doesn't get too dull or too fluffy - it gives it a good balance. I hope that doesn't make it difficult to understand, but if you have any questions, please feel free to ask! :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **SMUT WARNING** So if you are underage, avert them peepers.
> 
> I tried to make it a little more intimate given some factors that will be found out in this chapter so I hope everybody likes it! Thank you all so much for your continued support, you're all so precious <3 :)

“I don’t think I’ll ever be able to drink beer,” Y/N said with her nose scrunched as she set the nearly full beer bottle on the coffee table in front of her.

Garcia giggled and picked up the cocktail her friend had been drinking moments earlier, “Stick to the fruity drinks, babe, they’re much more fun.”

“Agreed,” Y/N replied, raising her drink in a toasting fashion before taking a large swig from her straw.

“Speaking of ‘babe’, how are you and the ever lovely Spencer Reid?” Garcia asked before wrapping her lips around her straw to gulp down her drink.

“Amazing,” Y/N gushed, the wide smile spread across her face and made her cheeks sore.

“Good,” Garcia smiled, “I always worried about him. He was never the luckiest when it came to the ladies and I didn’t want that to be the same with you.”

“That’s really surprising to me,” Y/N said. “The not-the-luckiest-with-the-ladies stuff. Emily and Derek told me that too and I still don’t understand it.”

Garcia nodded and set her glass down on the coffee table, “Spencer can be a little… overwhelming for some people. He just knows, like, everything about  _ everything  _ so I think when he starts talking about something he can get carried away and some people get turned away by it,” she explained.

“I guess I can see that. I love it when he starts talking about something, though. He gets so involved in what he’s talking about and it’s just adorable,” Y/N said, blush staining her cheeks while her mind wandered to thoughts of her boyfriend.

A few more minutes passed while random conversations worked their way into their buzzed states. Y/N felt herself becoming more confident and open to more personal conversations, taking one final drink through her straw before looking at Garcia again.

“Can I ask you something a little bit personal?” she asked, setting her glass down for the final time that evening.

“Of course you can, tell me anything and everything,” Garcia said, scooting closer towards Y/N for the chance at some gossip.

Y/N giggled and shook her head at the way her friend was acting. “I was just wondering… Spencer doesn’t, I mean, we don’t…” she trailed off, hoping Garcia would understand where she was going. When she was met with a blank, confused expression, she let out a sigh.

“Spencer and I haven’t had sex yet and I was wondering if there was something wrong with me? Like, am I doing anything to turn him off?” she asked.

“You two haven’t had sex yet?” Garcia asked.

Y/N shook her head.

“Haven’t you been together for like, six months?” she asked.

“Yeah, a little over. I’m not upset about it or anything. We get close and then he asks if we can stop so we do. I just don’t know if I’m doing something wrong.”

Garcia smiled and reached forward, patting her on the shoulder before taking a long drink through her straw.

“To my knowledge,” she began, clearing her throat, “Spencer has never done  _ that _ before. So I think he might just be nervous.”

Y/N nodded, “We’ve talked about that before, it’s just still really surprising to me.”

“Yeah. He’s never really gotten too far with a woman, at least since I’ve known him,” Garcia said. “A lot of the times they find him attractive, but they seem to get a little put off when he starts to ramble. You’re the only person I know who’s genuinely interested in everything he says.”

“Well yeah, it’s really cool. He knows so much stuff,” Y/N replied, making Garcia laugh.

“I promise you’re not doing anything wrong. I’m sure he’s just extremely nervous. Give him some time and when he’s ready he’ll let you know.”

⬜⬜⬜

Date night was always a lovely time - Reid did his best to make sure of it. He loved watching the way Y/N’s eyes would light up when she was happy and he strived to keep that expression on her face for as long as possible.

“Thank you for everything tonight,” Y/N said as Reid unlocked the front door to his apartment.

He smiled and opened the door, letting her walk in before him, “Of course,” he said, locking the door behind them. “I’m glad we always have a good time together,” he added, removing his holster from his hip and setting it on his end table.

“Me too,” she smiled, wrapping her arms around his neck and standing on her toes to press a kiss to his lips.

He deepened the kiss much quicker than usual, surprising her and causing her to run her fingers through his hair. Reid began to push her back slowly until her back pressed against the wall and their bodies were flush against each other.

When he pulled away from the kiss, Reid looked into Y/N’s eyes with so much love and adoration she could feel tears welling at the backs of her eyes.

“Can we… go to the bedroom?” he asked, biting his lower lip.

“Please,” she said, giggling when he grabbed one of her hands and pulled her behind him into his bedroom.

As soon as the door was shut behind them, he pushed her back against the door and his hands found their way underneath her shirt. She shivered slightly at the cool touch of his fingers and pulled his lips against hers again. There was more of an urgency in these kisses than the ones they’d shared before.

Y/N trailed her hands from his neck to the collar of his shirt, to the top button on his shirt. Without pulling away from her mouth, Reid nodded, telling her to discard him of the material that was only keeping them further apart than they wanted to be.

They soon moved their way to his bed, pulling off articles of clothing on the way there. When he pushed her back onto his bed, she was wearing nothing other than her underwear and Reid only in his boxer briefs that looked rather tight on him.

This was around the time that he would usually ask to stop and Y/N had prepared herself for that. She knew that this was something that he needed to be ready for and if he wasn’t, she didn’t want to push him.

He wasn’t stopping, though. Reid combed a hand through her hair and deepened their kiss, using his other arm to steady himself as he began to grind himself against her heat. A surprised moan left her lips as she wrapped her legs around his waist, meeting his movements. Reid groaned against her mouth, his free hand gripping onto the pillow beside her head.

Everything was more intense now - his grinding against her became rougher and she could feel his precum soaking through his boxers onto the soft skin of her abdomen.

Reid pulled himself away from the kiss and stopped grinding against her even though everything inside of him was telling him to keep going and to never stop.

“Tonight can we… make love?” he asked.

The nervous look on his face combined with his lust blown pupils and swollen lips made Y/N’s heart soar. He was so handsome.

“Of course,” she smiled, running a finger down the side of his face and pushing some hair back from his forehead, “You’re sure you want to?”

“I’m positive,” he said almost immediately. “I want to be with you in every way possible… I’m just sorry.”

She furrowed her eyebrows, “Why are you sorry?”

He shrugged, “You know I’ve never done this before and it’s not going to be good. I’ve been really nervous about doing this because I don’t want to do anything that would cause you to want to leave me--”

Y/N’s index finger on his lips halted him from speaking and he gave her a shy smile.

“Spencer Reid,” she whispered, moving her finger from his mouth. “There is nothing in this world that you will ever do that would cause me to leave you. The things that would are things you aren’t capable of doing.”

He smiled and leaned down to press a gentle kiss to her lips.

“I love you, Spencer, and I want to make sure that you’re ready and you feel good,” she added, running her fingers up and down his back.

“I don’t deserve you,” he said.

“You deserve to be happy and you deserve to feel loved,” she replied.

He looked at her incredulously, “I love you so much,” he said before leaning back down to press a kiss to her lips.

The kiss quickly turned into something more passionate and intense than either of them had ever felt before. Reid began grinding against her again, groaning and pushing his face into the crook of her neck when she dug her nails into his back.

He began to grind against her faster and harder, his breathing picking up when he could feel himself getting close to releasing already. He was embarrassed by how quickly he was feeling a release and pulled away from the kiss, running his thumb over her lower lip. She bit his finger playfully and he smiled, kissing the tip of her nose.

“I want to make you feel good before I do,” he said, trailing his thumb from her lip, to her neck, down her chest and over her stomach before reaching the hem of her underwear.

“You don’t have to do that, baby,” she breathed out, making him smile at the pet name.

“I want to,” he said, trailing his fingers ever so lightly over the fabric of her underwear until they were between her legs. He could feel the heat emanating from her sex and reluctantly tore his gaze away from her sex back to her face.

Y/N’s eyes were shut and her head was thrown back into the pillows. One of her hands was gripping onto his bicep while the other held onto the comforter below her for dear life. He didn’t realize he was causing her to feel so good.

“Fuck Spencer,” she breathed out, hips bucking up involuntarily against his fingers. “You have no idea how sexy and perfect you are,” she said, opening her eyes to meet his gaze.

Seeing her in this state made him even hotter for her and he cupped her sex with his hand, making her whimper as she began to grind against his palm, her wetness seeping through her underwear and onto his hand.

“Tell me what feels good,” he breathed against the side of her face, positioning himself onto his side so he was able to see both her face and his fingers against her.

He used one index finger to run a line up and down the center of her underwear. The small whimpers and moans egged him on and he hooked a finger around the lacy band of her thong, pulling it down her thigh. She immediately lifted her hips and allowed him to pull the fabric off of her completely.

Reid wasn’t completely clueless - sure he’d never been in this intimate of a position with a woman, but that didn’t mean he was a lost cause. He’d never tell her due to embarrassment, but he’d been doing  _ research _ on how to make her feel good when this moment did arrive.

He knew that pressing his fingers against her clit would make her feel good - so that’s what he did. He used his index and middle finger to push down on her swollen clit and began to rub slowly against it, eliciting the most lovely moans and whimpers from her.

“Fuck Spencer,” she moaned, nails digging into his skin while she rocked her hips against his fingers.

“Faster,” she breathed out, rolling her head back when he complied.

He could tell she was close just from how she was moving against his fingers and he leant down to press a kiss to her lips, biting down on her lower lip as he stuck his middle finger inside of her. He didn’t expect to moan, but the feeling of her clenching around his finger made it impossible for him not to.

“Fuck Spencer, I’m so close,” Y/N whimpered. “Faster… harder.”

He did as he was told, thrusting his finger into her while his thumb rubbed against her clit relentlessly. Her moans became louder and he could feel her push over the edge around him, her warmth clenching and soaking his fingers.

Reid pressed kisses along the side of her head as she came down from her high and smiled at her when she met his gaze again.

“You’ve definitely done that before,” she breathed out, making him chuckle.

“I appreciate your confidence in me, but no, I haven’t,” he said, pressing a kiss to her lips and smiling when she began to deepen it.

She pushed him back against the pillows and climbed on top of him, grinding her still-sensitive core against him. He groaned and held onto her hips, pulling and pushing her back at the pace he liked.

Y/N leaned down and took his earlobe between her lips, “Can I take these off?” she asked, pulling up on the elastic of his underwear.

He nodded quickly, lifting his hips for her to pull the fabric down his legs. She couldn’t help but marvel at him for a few seconds - he was perfect. Not too long, not too short. Not too thick, not too thin. His pink head at the end of his shaft was soaked in his precum and she had to fight herself from taking him into her mouth - she knew he wanted to finish inside of her for his first time.

“Sorry,” Reid said when he noticed she was looking at him.

She looked up at him with furrowed eyebrows.

“I know I’m not like, huge or anything--”

Before he could keep talking, Y/N cut him off with a kiss.

“You’re perfect,” she said, wrapping her hand around him and pumping him up and down a few times.

He groaned loudly and bucked his hips up, surprising himself when he whimpered after she’d taken her hand back. She smiled at him and pressed another kiss to his lips.

“Do you have a condom?” she asked.

“Yeah,” he breathed out, reaching towards the drawer on his nightstand. “I actually bought them a few weeks ago.”

Y/N watched as he skimmed the instructions on how to put one on and watched as he did, sliding the latex down his shaft and adjusting himself before looking back up at her. She was straddling his hips and she looked absolutely beautiful - her hair was disheveled from his hands running through them, her lips swollen from their kissing and her eyes were full of lust and want.

“Are you sure you’re ready?” she asked him, using her thumb to rub against his cheek.

“I have never been more sure in my life,” he replied, holding onto her hips.

Y/N nodded and watched Reid’s face when she lined him up with her center and began to push down on him. His eyes crinkled shut as his fingers gripped onto her hips, groaning loudly when he was fully inside of her.

She moaned and began to move up and down on him, biting her lower lip when she could feel just how hard he was inside her. Reid pulled her down against him hard when she had lifted up and she took that as a hint to go harder against him.

It didn’t take long for Reid to start coming undone beneath her - his groans became more frequent and his grip on her hips was tighter, pulling her forwards and backwards on him. She could feel him twitch inside of her and with a final groan, he came undone beneath her.

Reid held her body close to his as he came down from his high, rubbing her back with his fingertips as she laid on top of him.

“How was that?” Y/N asked after his breathing returned to normal.

Reid chuckled and opened his eyes, giving her one of those smiles that was so full of love it could bring her to tears, “You’re perfect.”


	7. Sound of Settling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This story is in a back and forth format. Meaning, one chapter will be present day and the next chapter will be a memory between Reid and the Reader. I have done that so the story doesn't get too dull or too fluffy - it gives it a good balance. I hope that doesn't make it difficult to understand, but if you have any questions, please feel free to ask! :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter left!! Thank you guys so much for all of the love and support you've been giving me on this story. I appreciate all of it so much :) <3

Reid had never made Y/N cry unless the tears were those of joy - the most recent time being after he proposed to her. He’d now broken that streak and he couldn’t be more ashamed of himself.

“I’m sorry,” Y/N choked out, trying her best to keep the tears that threatened to spill in her eyes. “I know I don’t really remember a lot, but I’m trying my best.”

Without giving it a second though, Reid hurried over and wrapped his arms around her, pressing his cheek to the top of her head.

“You don’t have to apologize for anything, Y/N. I’m the one who’s sorry,” he said, pulling away from the hug. “I’m not upset with you at all and I promise that. The situation that you went through is what upsets me, but it wasn’t your fault and it never will be, okay?”

She sniffled and nodded her head, “Okay.”

Reid gave her a weak smile and wiped a tear from her cheek that was inching closer to her jawline. How could she manage to be so adorable  _ all the time _ ?

“I have a proposal,” he said, stepping back from Y/N so that she could see him better.

She furrowed her eyebrows and waited for him to continue.

“Why don’t we try getting out of the house for the day? We can go around to some of your favorite places and eat at our favorite restaurants. Maybe getting some fresh air would be nice,” he suggested.

A small smile tugged at the corner of her mouth and she nodded, “I like that idea. Maybe that’ll help me remember some stuff too.”

“Maybe,” he replied in the most enthusiastic tone he could muster. “But if you start to get overwhelmed you just tell me and we can come right back home.”

“Deal,” she replied. “I’ll just get ready really quick and be right back.”

Reid smiled and watched as she walked down the hallway excitedly, turning back to Morgan with a sigh after she’d closed their bedroom door.

“I’m such a fucking asshole,” Reid said, falling onto the couch and burying in face on his hands, keeping his elbows on his knees.

“You’re not an asshole, Reid. You’re frustrated and she understood that,” Morgan said, leaning forward and placing a hand on his friend’s shoulder comfortingly.

“Still, I shouldn’t have done that.”

“Man, that was going to need to come out of your system sooner or later. I’m just glad it happened while I was here to step in and mediate if I needed to.”

Reid shook his head, “You wouldn’t have needed to do that.”

Morgan smiled and nodded, “I know.”

Making Y/N happy was the only thing that Reid was worried about today. Of course, he was stressed and upset about the predicament they’d found themselves in, but he never even bothered to think about how  _ she  _ was feeling and how stressed out she must be from knowing she has a life she can’t remember.

When he heard the sounds of shoes walking across the vinyl plank flooring, he looked up from his shoes.

Should he have felt bad for immediately wanting to tell her how beautiful she looked? She was wearing her typical attire for her days when she was off work, but she always managed to look stunning.

Morgan looked to Reid when Y/N entered the room and smiled - he could see how much love was in his friend’s eyes for his fiancée and it made him happier than he could describe.

“You look very nice,” Morgan complimented when he looked at her, kicking Reid’s shoe when he didn’t get the hint.

“You’re beautiful,” Reid said, standing from the couch and wiping his clammy palms against his black slacks. He managed to feel underdressed even though what she was wearing wasn’t fancy.

She smiled and looked down at her attire, “Thanks,” she said, a blush spreading over her cheeks and nose. “Where are we going first?”

“I was thinking we could go on a walk at the park and maybe get something to eat afterwards?” he suggested.

“I like that idea,” she said, taking a step closer to Reid.

He gave her a smile and placed a hand on the small of her back before turning to Morgan, who was already waiting at the front door.

“You two crazy kids have a good night,” Morgan said, as they left the apartment building in opposite directions, giving them a wave.

⬜⬜⬜

“Do we do this a lot?” Y/N asked as they walked along a sidewalk trail that was paved along the perimeter of the park.

“We do,” Reid confirmed, sticking his hands in his pockets to keep himself from reaching for hers, as he often did. “We’ll come here after work almost every day and talk about everything we saw and how we felt about everything that happened - I think it really helps us.”

“It sounds like it would,” she smiled, looking up at him as they continued their walk.

The comfortable silence that surrounded them was welcomed. There was no awkward tension or worry about who was going to say something next. Being in the presence of each other was enough and Reid was grateful that hadn’t changed.

“Do you think if we talk about what happened with me it would help us?” she asked, smiling at an elderly couple who was walking in the opposite direction.

Her question surprised him. He never wanted to overwhelm or scare her and talk about what had happened to her, but it was natural that she would be curious.

“Maybe,” he said with a nod. “Do you want to talk about it?”

She nodded, “I think so.”

“Okay. What specifically did you want to talk about?” he asked.

“I heard Morgan say I got shot earlier so I’m guessing that’s why I have a big bruise on my chest?”

Reid took a breath in through his nose and nodded, “Yeah, that’s what that’s from.”

“So are we police officers?” she asked.

“We’re special agents with the FBI,” he said. “I lean more towards the behavioral analyst portion of the job and you’re more of the special agent, though. You like physical activity more than I do,” a chuckle escaped his lips.

Y/N smiled at his chuckle, “I didn’t realize how cool we were.”

“Eh,  _ cool _ wouldn’t be a word I’d use to describe myself. I’d use it to describe you, though.”

“I think you’re cool,” she said.

Reid smiled and looked down at her. God, he wanted to kiss her so badly. He wanted to wrap her in his arms and hold onto her face while their lips pressed against each other’s. This situation felt so natural - like it was another date they were on.

“You’d be the first to think that,” he said, giving her a smirk.

“I doubt it,” she said. “I’m sure you’ve had plenty of people think that because you. Are. Cool,” she added, tapping her finger against his shoulder three times in time with her last three words.

It was such a simple gesture, but it surprised the hell out of him. He could feel the hope in his chest rising and it took everything in him to push it back down. There was nothing he could do but let out a chuckle - he didn’t want to scare her or put any false hope into their minds.

“Tell me a story about us and this place,” Y/N requested after they took their seats outside, a space heater whirring beside them as they overlooked the park they had just spent nearly three hours walking the perimeter of.

“What kind of a story would you like?” Reid asked, arranging his silverware in front of him.

“Ideally one with a happy ending,” she teased, giving him a smirk.

He smiled at her, “Would you like a funny story or a sweet story?” he clarified.

“Sweet,” she decided, smiling at their waitress after she took their drink order.

Reid smiled, “This is where we came on our first date,” he began. “I was really nervous because you’re out of my league and I didn’t think you’d agree to go out with me.”

Y/N held up her left hand to show him the ring on her finger, “Clearly you were wrong about that.”

He chuckled and nodded, “I’ve never been so happy to be wrong.”

After giving their waitress their food order, Reid looked back to Y/N to finish the story of their first date.

“I picked you up from your apartment and this was the first place we came to. We ordered the exact same food that we just did and I remember thinking, ‘Wow, I’ve never had such good conversation with anybody’ while we were waiting for our food. You were never annoyed with me when I rambled, which I tend to do a lot, and you were more interested in what I was saying than anybody ever had been before.”

Y/N smiled at his retelling of their date and took a sip of her water, watching his eyes light up for the first time since she’d seen him.

“After we ate, we went on a walk to that park,” he said, pointing at the park they’d just come from. “And we spent hours walking the same route we just did, talking about anything that came to mind. I told you more about myself than I told anybody  _ ever _ and you did the same for me. I was so grateful you were comfortable opening up to me like you had. And that you were so accepting of everything I’d told you.”

Y/N could feel a lump beginning to form in her throat. She so badly wanted to remember everything they spoke about on their first date and remember the feelings they shared with each other.

“After our walk, I drove you back to your apartment. I really wanted to hold your hand in the car, but I was too nervous. I’m sure you noticed because you grabbed my hand and moved it over to your lap,” he smiled at the memory and shook his head to himself.

“When we got back to your apartment I held your hand when we walked inside to your front door. I knew I wanted to kiss you, I was just nervous. So I told you to have a good night and I’d see you at work in the morning…” Reid trailed off, his smile reaching his eyes.

“You kissed my cheek, but you had to stand on your toes and use my shoulders as leverage because I’m considerably taller than you,” he said, making Y/N giggle. “And when you pulled away I knew I had to take my chance, so I turned my head and that was the night we had our first kiss.”

Y/N felt as if her heart was being tugged up by a fishing line after hearing Reid retell their first date. She wished so badly that she could remember everything that he had.

“That sounds like a perfect first date,” she smiled.

Reid nodded, “I’d have to agree.”

“What do we usually do when we get back home?” Y/N asked as Reid unlocked their front door.

He shrugged and opened the door, letting her in before him. He locked the door behind them and removed his holstered gun, setting it down on the end table beside the couch.

“Sometimes we watch movies or we just go to sleep,” he said in the most nonchalant way he could. Although the correct answer to her question was, ‘make love’, he knew it wouldn’t be appropriate to say.

“Do you want to watch a movie?” she asked, a small yawn following her question.

Reid chuckled and toed his shoes off, placing them on the shoe rack beside the front door.

“It sounds like you’re tired. We don’t have to do that if you want to get some sleep,” he said.

“What if we start a movie and then I’ll just go to bed if I get tired?” she offered, making him smile.

“That sounds like a deal. If you want to, you should change into something more comfortable. You have pajamas in the second drawer of the dresser in the bedroom,” he said.

She nodded, “What about you?”

“What about me?” he asked.

“Are you going to change too?” she asked.

He nodded, “I’ll change when you’re finished,” he said, not wanting to make her uncomfortable. Sure, she knew they were engaged, but she didn’t remember anything that led up to it besides their first date.

“Okay,” she smiled, turning and making her way to the bedroom.

Reid let out a sigh when he heard the bedroom door shut. Tonight was needed. He wondered if it were possible to fall in love with someone after memory loss. The more hours passed when Y/N had no recollection of their past, it seemed like that might have to be their solution if she still wanted to be with him. That was one thought that scared the absolute hell out of him.

His thoughts were cut short when he heard the bedroom door open again. He looked down the hallway and smiled at the pajamas she’d chosen to wear - one of the shirts he’d been given by the Bureau when he first joined the team and was going through the academy. It was navy blue in color, had his last name printed in large, white letters on the back and a logo for the FBI on the front, right chest area. The hem of the shirt reached mid-thigh, the black leggings she was wearing underneath it making it look like a dress.

“Is everything okay?” she asked Reid as he stood in the living room, staring at the sight before him.

He cleared his throat and nodded, “Yeah, I’m good,” he said, picking up the remote from the coffee table and handing it to her. “You can pick something to watch, I’ll be right back.”

After spending a few minutes flipping through possible options, Y/N had settled on a baking show that seemed entertaining enough. The chuckle from behind her startled her and she turned to see Reid standing behind her in his own comfortable clothes.

“You love shows like this,” he said, walking around the couch to sit beside her.

“Really?” she asked. “Do you?”

It took him a second to respond, “I can see the appeal in them.”

“So, no?” she smirked. “We don’t have to watch this if you don’t like it.”

“No, no, no,” he said quickly. “I like hearing your commentary on them - it makes the whole experience fun.”

Y/N smiled and began the show, setting the remote on the coffee table in front of them. “If you want to stop watching this, please change it.”

Reid smiled and agreed, knowing damn well he wouldn’t.

Hours had passed and both Reid and Y/N had fallen asleep, adjusting themselves in their unconscious states so they were more comfortable on the couch beside each other. Reid had taken his position pressed against the back of the couch while Y/N slept in front of him, his arms wrapped around her body. His face was tucked into the crook of her neck and her hands held onto his.

Before he’d fallen asleep, the feeling of a true sense of happiness had filled his chest. It was a feeling he hadn’t felt it days, but for how emotionally drained he was, it felt like a lifetime. Maybe, just maybe, if Y/N had to relearn everything about him and their relationship, they could fall in love with each other all over again. It was a possibility he would have shut out two days ago, but one he welcomed now. If it was his only chance at being with her, he’d do whatever he could.


	8. Here We Go Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This story is in a back and forth format. Meaning, one chapter will be present day and the next chapter will be a memory between Reid and the Reader. I have done that so the story doesn't get too dull or too fluffy - it gives it a good balance. I hope that doesn't make it difficult to understand, but if you have any questions, please feel free to ask! :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alrighty! We made it!! The last chapter. I really want to thank everybody again for the love and support you've given me on this story. You're all so incredibly kind and lovely. I'm so grateful for all of you :) <3

Although the sunlight was shining brightly through the curtains of their third-story apartment, the sensation that had woken Reid up was slight movement on top of his body and the feeling of warmth against the sensitive skin of his neck while a faint massage was pressing against his scalp.

He opened his eyes slowly, groggily, a yawn escaping his lips when he did. Through his tired eyes he could see Y/N laying on top of him. Her face was tucked into the crook of his neck while her fingers played in his hair absentmindedly.

“Good morning, handsome,” she smiled and looked up at him, leaning forward to press a kiss to his lips. “Your alarm kept going off so I shut it off. Do we have somewhere to be this morning?” she asked.

“Shit. Yeah, we have your doctor’s appointment,” he said, beginning to snap out of his sleepy trance as he reached for his phone to check the time. “We’re still good on time.”

Y/N furrowed her eyebrows, “What’s the appointment for?”

It hit him then like a ton of bricks. Why was she on top of him and snuggling into his body the way that she was? It wasn’t that he didn’t like it - he loved it. But why was this something she was so casually able to do? And why were her fingers running through his hair? Why did she  _ kiss him _ ?

“For your head,” he said. “Remember when you got hurt on that assignment last week?” he asked, reaching forward to push a strand of hair from her face.

Her confused expression remained on her face momentarily before she shrugged, “I guess if it’s a head injury it might be messing with my memory.”

Reid knew he needed to keep himself calm. After reading countless medical journals and researching the topic of memory loss, he knew that he shouldn’t make a big deal about the very likely possibility that Y/N’s memories had returned. It would confuse her and he knew it would be easier for her to understand if it were being explained by a medical doctor with no emotional ties in the situation.

“Yeah. It’s just a check-up to make sure everything’s okay and getting back to normal. You had a pretty bad concussion,” he said.

“Okay. Well, since we have some time,” Y/N began, pressing kisses along his jawline. He immediately moved his hands to grip onto her waist and bit his lower lip. “Maybe we can pass the time by having a little bit of fun,” she breathed out, trailing her kisses down his neck and taking his earlobe between her teeth.

Reid groaned and let out a strained chuckle, moving her hips against his slightly, “As much as I’d love that, we should probably start getting ready to go. I last a lot longer than our first time when you stole my virtue,” he teased.

Y/N pulled away and swatted his chest playfully, “Like you weren’t willing to give it to me.”

“Oh, I was willing,” he agreed. “You’re the woman who turned me from a boy into a man.”

“Don’t ever say that again,” she said. The uncomfortable look on her face made him laugh out loud, something that felt so special.

The drive to the doctor’s office wasn’t too long, something both Reid and Y/N were grateful for. Waiting for her MRI to be done was a process that dragged on longer than anticipated, but with the positive outcome, the results were worth waiting for.

“Okay,” the doctor said, entering his office with a file in his hands. He sat down at the chair behind his desk and opened the file, skimming over a few notes.

“It looks like the results of your MRI and the few other neurological tests we’ve completed today have come back with some good news,” he said. “I would say it’s best to keep yourself away from work for another month just to make sure that everything is completely healed, but your tests show that everything should be returning back to normal.”

Those were words that Reid had only been able to dream about for the past few days and hearing them being said made him happier than he thought imaginable. Y/N, the love of his life, his fiancée, remembered him.

As they walked back to their car, he couldn’t contain his excitement. Before opening the passenger car door for her, he leaned in, pressing a passionate kiss against her lips while his hands cupped her face gingerly. Y/N smiled after he pulled away from the kiss, wrapping her arms around his body.

“What was that for?” she asked.

He shook his head, “I love you so much.”

“I love you too,” she smiled, standing on her toes to press another kiss to his lips.

⬜⬜⬜

**One Month Later**

Being welcomed back to the Bureau by their second family was one of the warmest and most loving feelings both Reid and Y/N had felt from someone other than each other. The amount of honest care for both of their well-being made them both feel loved and appreciated by their co-workers.

That didn’t mean, however, that the relentless teasing and pranking between Morgan and Reid had stopped. It had started up again within the first hour of Reid returning to work. He didn’t mind at all, though. It made him feel like everything was back to normal and he appreciated it.

“Do you know how beautiful you are while you’re working?” Reid breathed into Y/N’s ear while she was typing, sending a chill down her spine and startling her.

“Spencer Reid,” she breathed out, turning to him and swatting at his arm.

“What?” he asked, holding his hands up defensively. “Am I not allowed to tell my fiancée how beautiful she looks?”

She smirked and shook her head at his feigned innocence, leaning up to press a chaste kiss to his lips while holding a hand to his cheek.

“Get yourselves a room, you heathens,” Morgan shouted from his desk, shooting a rubber band in Reid’s direction.

Y/N pulled back from the kiss and giggled when Reid let out a sigh, giving Morgan the finger without looking at him.

“How is everybody coming along on their case assignments?” Hotch asked as he entered the room, holding a file in his hands. Reid immediately put his hand down and stood up straight behind Y/N’s desk chair.

Hotch looked around the room, “I hope no friendly bickering or public displays of affection are affecting anybody’s ability to complete their work,” he added, looking between Reid, Morgan and Y/N.

Everybody bit their lower lips to hide their smiles and turned their attention to whatever work they could find in front of them.

Hotch made his way to Y/N’s desk, setting the file down on the side of it, “These are just some medical coverage forms. If you can please sign them and have them on my desk by the end of the day,” he said.

“You got it, Hotch,” she said, opening the file and clicking her pen out.

“Thank you,” he said, walking away, but stopping only after a few feet away from her desk before turning back to her.

“And Y/L/N,” he said, getting her attention. “It’s good to have you back,” he smiled, giving her a nod.

“Thank you,” she smiled. “It’s good to be back.”

“I was gone for the last month too, Hotch. Isn’t it good to have  _ me _ back?” Reid asked, only half serious.

Hotch chuckled and shrugged, “It was unusually quiet around here while you were gone,” he began, pursing his lips. “I’m not sure if I liked it or not.”

Y/N smiled, holding in her giggle when she reached up to press a kiss to her fiancé’s cheek. “It’s a good thing,” she whispered in his ear.

No more than an hour later, Hotch entered the room again, this time with multiple files in his hands. The familiar feeling of curiosity and excitement for a new case filled Y/N’s chest and she waited for him to speak.

“Everybody in the conference room in ten minutes,” Hotch said, getting everybody’s attention. “We have a new case we need to go over.”

As everybody situated themselves in the conference room, Garcia bounded through the door excitedly. Reid smiled at his extroverted friend, who was busy arranging the various documents she’d just pulled from the printer.

“Okay, now that we’ve got everybody here, let’s begin,” Hotch said, looking over a few notes in front of him. “We got a call from the Orange County Sheriff’s Office in California. They’ve been having multiple break-ins at extremely wealthy homes. When the unsub breaks into the home, it’s the same method - rock through a window, unlock the window and sneak inside.”

Everybody was skimming over their crime scene photos that had been passed out to them, analyzing various aspects of the scene.

“There is  _ always _ someone home when this unsub breaks in and it’s always only one person. This person ends up being the victim and there have been two of them so far. The first one was a female - she was strangled with a noose and left on the kitchen counter with a knife sticking out of her chest. A note was left behind that read, ‘Since you all like the glamor of a show so much I thought I’d leave the final act.’.”

Y/N raised her eyebrows as she looked over the pictures of their first victim while Hotch explained the process of killing for the second one. Both victims had been staged in a way that a horror movie would place its victims.

“It sounds like our unsub doesn’t have a style of killing yet - they’re trying out a few different ones to see what clicks,” Rossi commented as he looked over his own photos.

“Although they don’t have a  _ style _ of killing yet, they do have a precise method down. They’ll break a window and sneak in that way. After that our unsub might get zealous and want to complete the murder as soon as possible.”

“And they’re most likely acting alone,” Y/N interjected, looking up from her photos. “These are both family homes and they’re waiting specifically until there is only one person home. One-on-one is less threatening than going in while there are multiple people.”

“It doesn’t look like our unsub has a victim type either,” Morgan added. “One female, one male, different ages and different races.”

Hotch nodded to himself while his team spoke over the crime scene photos. He would be lying if he said he wasn’t proud of how quickly his team could piece together an unsub.

“Wheels up in thirty,” he said, dismissing the team.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I hope you're enjoying it so far :) I love each and every one of you and I hope you have a lovely day!


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